With a shift of perspective comes a few of mountains that I didn't notice before; at least not directly. Sure I sensed they were there but I was naive of their full mass and blockage in regard to my next steps. Before I left I was feeling exhausted. I had grown to dread my role at the church. I felt neither passionate nor equipped to serve in that capacity. I was being stretched and was at my breaking point. Being away helped to alleviate that tension temporarily and allowed me to get a breath of fresh air. I had run away per-say.
I was reminded through prophecy on three separate occasions that I needed to let go and just spend some time with Jesus. To let him romance me and be redefined as the woman He views me to be. I wasn't sure how that was going to be possible once I returned to the real world and had to pick my burdens back up again. So much of my battle is in my head. I know that. I go to counseling twice a month because of it. But to me it's reality and it takes time to talk myself out of some thoughts I carry.
In this next season of my life I am excited to begin a mentor relationship and possibly two. My peers are great but it's difficult for me to take criticism from them. Again, a perspective issue on my part. I hope that some heavy conversations with women who know my story will help me in this journey.
I will be phasing out of the Admin role at The Block Church over the next few months. I'll be able to serve on the team without the direct pressure I felt to lead and lead well. I already feel such sense of freedom. It was a role I had been doing for a while because I felt trapped. That God told me to do it and we'll you can't tell God no. Or something like that. Being in Antrim and receiving those prophecies confirmed that God doesn't desire to force me but rather knows what I need and He's giving me that space. Call it selfish, but sometimes to be the best YOU one has to take a break and heal. and so begins this next chapter.
