Colour conference

Sometimes there's a song that you listen to that stirs up memories that you aren't particularly fond of. For me that song is How He Loves Us by The Glorious Unseen. There are other bands that have done their own version of this song, but nonetheless this one is a trigger for me. 

This weekend I had the privilege of attending a women's conference in NYC with some of my oldest friends here in Philly. The Colour Conference has been around for 20 years but this is the first time that it has come to the USA. Overall the entire thing was incredible. I laughed. I cried. I crushed HARD on the one emcee 😂 and met with Jesus in a new way. Bear with me, this post is going to be long. Go ahead and take your bathroom break now. I'm on a bus on I-95 and trekking to the bathroom is not a safe option. 

To be honest, I'll just list the highlights. 

FRIDAY- Bobbie Houston reminded us of 4 things that never get old: worship, knowing you are royalty, your calling/mantle/mandate, and courage. Bobbie reminded us that when you know who your King is, you will develop a new courage in that identity of royalty. 

SATURDAY- session 1

DawnCherie Wilkerson was incredible. God truly used her to speak into my life and tell me how proud He is of me. I know full well how much I have disappointed my earthly father but God is no dissappointed in me. He's incredibly proud of who I am and what I am doing for HIM.

Session 2/3- two different panels of women spoke on being part of a sisterhood of women who can value themselves and therefore value humanity. 

Session 4- at the final session we were singing my "trigger" song when I was thinking about God and I was asking him to tell me again of how proud He is of me. I envisioned myself standing with him and Jesus just saying over and over again "Cherith, I'm so proud of you." As I listened to the words "he is jealous for me" I had this moment where I sensed Jeaua telling me that He loves me so much and He is so proud that He just wants some alone time with me. His love is so fierce and passionate that it can't easily be interrupted and will never dissipate. And I thought in that moment "ah, that's why". You see this whole time I questioned if God is holding out on me. But He isn't he's preparing me to add a third person into our relationship and right now there's just not room. Jesus and I are jealous for and obsessed with getting to know one another and that's ok with me. 

Frame Game

Tonight I was listening to a sermon by Steven Furtick which again challenged my perspective. I tend to be so narrow minded and limit God into this box of what I see Him doing (or not doing) in my circumstances. 

Embarrassingly enough, I must admit I tried online dating. This time I actually made it a month before I backed out. Usually I cancel my subscription 3 days after enrolling. This has happened at least 5 times now. Isn't it weird to you? Advertising yourself as available. I get it, some people that doesn't phase them, but for me, I'm just not keen on the idea.  

Anyway, no dates came of it so it wasn't a big deal. Finding someone who shares my passion for God is hard so I've decided, yet again, to let God handle it, but I'm going to nag Him with prayer until he changes my situation or changes me. I would be fine with either outcome. 

I pray that God will continue to grow and equip me and qualify me for the tasks he has set before me and everything else can figure itself out. 

Winter break

Our Christmas drama was amazing. It was titled "The Promise" and it told the story of sin over the course of creation through immaculate conception and then on to crucifixion. Every time i watched the kids practice I would get major goosebumps. The Holy Spirit was working through us and it was such a privilege to be a part of it. 

We just started winter break today at noon. I'll go home sometime next week sometime. I believe Aaron goes home on Monday. He has been in Ranger School for the past 2.5 months. This will be the first time he's met Sadie. Should be interesting since she's so pissed at anyone other than Shiloh and immediate family. Lol. 

I was able to meet with my pastor today and cast some vision for 2016. My goals are to be brave, love more, and get my PA math license. Crazily the last one will be the easiest. It's the only one I have control over at least a little bit. 

As the year wraps up I'll try to post one last time to conclude this blog and being my next one with my new annual theme. God gave me this next one early and I'm excited to share it. 

Reminders

Every time I see a girl with a noticeable engagement ring I tend to look down at my own ring finger. I've always taken a deep breath and sighed in that moment. Wished for my turn to come. Tonight my gaze shifted down to the back of my left hand. It was no longer a ring that I imagined but rather a nail pierced hand. 

Some Bible scholars say that Jesus' wrists were actually what was nailed to the cross due to potential tearing in the hands. With that in mind, I investigated my wrists as well and thought to myself. What if? What if every time I looked at my hands I remembered what love Jesus has for me. It was a humbling moment. 

Maybe I'll tattoo my wrists next, or maybe I'll just get a gold bracelet. I'm not sure. But I want to remember. Every day I want to remember what Jesus did for me. I love Him, I love Him, I love Him. And I want everyone to know how incredible my Jesus is. 

Life's a Voyage

I've often heard life be compared to a journey. It's about the actual commute, not the destination. Blah blah blah. Sure the journey is fun too, but nothing beats the final prize. The destination. The goal. The reason one spent countless time and money to leave point A and reach point B. Now I'm not trying to be pessimistic; I've just found a better analogy. 

Tonight I was driving and I was listening to the new Amanda Cook Album (A Brave New World) and her song The Voyage came on. I started thinking what if life is actually more like a voyage? As I drove through the pelting rain and squinted through the glaring headlights of oncoming traffic, the Holy Spirit began to unravel this analogy in my head. Here's my best go at explaining it how I understood it. 

Life is a voyage. Like a big boat ride. You've got people around you also on the same trip, but their experiences will be different than yours. There will be rainy days and you will get wet. There will be sunny days and you will get burnt. The air is a salty, fishy reminder of where you are (at sea) and the knowledge that you were created for something different: land. 

The boat is constantly moving, rocking, tipping even. Some people might fall off or jump to other boats, getting really wet in the process. They might even die from the damage caused from leaving the voyage God put them on. But even with the instability of the waves, if your feet stay planted and you hold on, you won't go anywhere you don't want to go. 

Life is a voyage. So much more than a journey. So take some Dramamine and know that God is the one driving the ship. 

Perspective of pride

      We are six weeks into the school year and some days I find I'm still struggling to find my groove. Morning meeting will probably always be dreaded by me but my kids love it and it does provide a better sense of community. 

Personally I've been dealing with some major pride issues. Struggling to not just lean on my own strength and what I feel I deserve or can do by myself. It's not about what I'm capable of but rather what God has equipped me to do. I'm beyond blessed with the ability to teach. I love my job and I have so much fun every day but sometimes I let my lack of care restrict my growth of relationships. 

I'll be honest. I idolize my job. It's my identity and my purpose.i know I'm called to teach but I'm also called to serve Christ not serve myself.  It shouldn't be this way. I realized this fact last Sunday when I told two of my dearest friends that I'll always come back to Philly (I've been traveling on my weekends) because I love my job so much. Hold up. My job? Really. Two amazing friends had to hear me say I prefer what gives me satisfaction in task over them. I didn't intend to mean it that way, and it was a definite smack in the face emotionally when I realized what I said and why I said it. 

So how can I be more intentional about relationships? Not by myself that's for sure. I need God's help and that's exactly where He tends to push me. Right into places where I need him. I need His patience to listen when I don't care because he cares. I need his love to show compassion when I don't care. I need his grace to show forgiveness when I don't care. I don't mean to sound like a bitch but I kinda have been and at the root of me tend to be at times. And that is NOT ok. 

When I was in Ireland I was so challenged by the people there. I grew so much in my willingness to show love to others and now I feel as though I've shrunk back some. Now that I'm aware of that I can pray, adjust, and move forward. Here's to loving people well regardless if i care or not because Jesus cares and I want to be less like me (cause I suck) and more like Him because he's amazing. 

Obedience

Week 3 of the school year is underway and I'm loving it! My students are being super engaged and seem to be grasping concepts well. I've been able to slow down and explain much better than I did last year. We have our first real round of tests on Wednesday so we'll see how it goes. 

On top of teaching I've been trying to learn a lot myself. As badly as I want to begin the next chapter of my life, I still have some growing to do in this phase. Physically I'm doing well. I've been training for a half marathon that's about 6 weeks away. Emotional training is a different story. 

I want to just jump all in but I'm being held on the cusp on where that is. So, in the mean time, I've been feeling challenged to focus on what is right in front of me: my students. I want to start sitting down with them one by one and listening to their spiritual journey. Hopefully start one with them if it hasn't begun yet. I'm not sure how I will disciple and mentor 46 kids but God will provide. 

As for my dating life, well me sorting that out failed so I'm back to trusting God. Crazy how hard it is to slow down and trust Him. Why can I trust him with my eternity but not my marriage. Whew that's truly something I need to pray for discernment on.